What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! The book by Gary Chapman explains that there are 5 love languages, which are:
Words of Affirmation: To this category of people, actions don’t always speak louder than words. These are words affirming your love. They might take the form of appreciation, affection and encouragement, and are often given by way of compliments. To these people, unsolicited compliments mean the world to them. Insults and harsh words can leave them shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time: In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service: The words he or she most wants to hear is: “Let me do that for you.” For a person whose primary language is Acts of Service responds best when you do things for them. For example, bake a cake or give them a batch of their favorite cookies, pull out her chair at dinner, hold open a door, help him knot his tie etc. Each time you willingly do something for this person, they recognize that you care for them.
Physical Touch: This language isn’t all about the bedroom. This could either be hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
So in a real life situation – Assume that you are married, you get back home from work very late and tired. Your spouse opens the door and gives you a hug and cuddle. Next thing he/she says, “honey, I know you must be very tired, I have fixed dinner for us, go take a bath and i’ll get the food ready”. He/she helps you undress and you go take a shower while he/she sets the table and serves the food. While you’re eating, he/she tells you how amazing you are and how blessed he/she is to have you. After the dinner, he/she dashes into the room and gives you a gift and guess what? It is that shoe, bag, wristwatch or let’s say something you have always wanted. The amazing thing is that you never mentioned it to him/her but somehow he/she found out and got it for you. Finally, he/she washes the dishes and comes to join you in the room and you both share the events of your day together.
I have afriend who is carrying out a research study on love languages and he needs your opinion. Among all these acts of love, which do you appreciate the most?
- The hug and cuddle you got when you first got home?
- The dinner he/she fixed for you
- The words of affirmation, telling you how much he/she is blessed to have you?
- The gift he/she got for you?
- Sharing his/her daily activities and the time spent with you.
What’s your order of preference.