That night I couldn’t sleep; I was so restless and kept staring outside the window. Sleep was far from me as I pondered on tomorrow; I thought to myself “Daisy, this is it…a new life begins tomorrow”. My best friend (my maid of honor) rolled over on the other side of the bed and said ” Please go back to bed Daisy – I know exactly how you feel, it’s the normal excitement and joy that a bride feels before her wedding day”. I quietly closed the windows, smiled at her and tucked myself into my duvet with hope that sleep will eventually come. My eyeballs hurt from the constant squeeze I gave them just to force myself to sleep and stop thinking of tomorrow.
7:00 am, the knock from my make-up artist (MUA)/hair-dresser woke me up. As my maid of honor opened the door, the MUA screamed “Congratulations Daisy…I can’t wait to give you the perfect look for your fairy tale wedding”… I smiled from one side of my face, and quickly rushed into the bathroom to brush before she starts her artistic design on my face.
7:30 am, the 6 bridesmaids rushed into the room screaming “aww(s) & congrats Daisyyyyyy”. They had updated their BBM/whatsapp display pictures and messages with my face and congratulatory messages. “Ah…Daisy you’re very lucky oh”, one of the bridesmaids exclaimed; I heard one of them say “he liked it so he put a ring on it”. My maid of honour said “giirrrrrl…I wish I could be you right now”. Once again all I could do was chuckle and give a “fake smile”.
9:00 am, my mum rushes into my hotel room. Ada m (my daughter), you are so beautiful and I’m very happy that you’re finally getting married. Today is one of the happiest days in my life and I can’t wait to carry my grand children. “Biko (please) don’t be late to church; the driver is waiting downstairs to take you and the girls, I love you”. I hugged her and replied “love you too mum” (if only she could hear how fast my heart raced…).
10:00 am, I started walking down the beautifully decorated aisle at the tune of the song “here comes the bride”. My dad walked with me and I could see him smiling at his friends as we walked down. I held unto the bouquet of flowers (my palms were sweating), I looked down at the designs on my “Kosibah” gown and my Christian Louboutin shoes. I tried so hard not to look at his face; if I do, the tears will roll down and I didn’t want anyone to see that. So I stared at the cross on the altar and just kept walking till my dad gave my hands to Tony…
10:45, Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health….? I finally looked up to his face; by my right was my mum and dad with a huge smile on their face. I looked back at Tony and said “I DO”. As those words left my lips, I could’t hold back the tears anymore so I just let it flow. My journey had began…can I really endure it?
I see brides who get emotional on their wedding days & cry (tears of joy) but when the tears dropped down my cheeks I knew it wasn’t tears of joy. No one in that hall knew what kind of emotions I felt. After the priest pronounced us as husband/wife I felt a thorn in my heart. Everyone was happy for me but I was dying inside with pain…I was married to a man who I was not in love with; a man who I cannot have a normal conversation with (I have to put my words in writing to effectively communicate with him); a man who sees me as a trophy to show off to his friends; a man who I could not contribute to his decision-making; a man who my family thinks is best for me because according to them “I was at the ripe age for marriage and needed to marry ASAP to break the curse of late marriages in my family history”. I became a victim of family pressure.
Tony was a good man, I was spoilt with expensive gifts and luxurious trips (my mum said it showed Tony could take care of his family); I never really spent much time with him cos he lived in a different country so he was always at his best behavior whenever we spent quality time together (max 3 times a year). I got to know the real Tony after my engagement party when I stayed with him for one month. I tried to explain to my mum but she wouldn’t have it…”you girls of this generation are so impatient; just give him some time and he will change”. She thought I was over-reacting. The wedding was supposed to be in 6 months but Tony and my mum decided to make it 3 months earlier without telling me. I eventually found out but couldn’t understand the rush, why was he in a hurry and why were my parents in a hurry to give me away? I thought my happiness mattered. My mum was more concerned that two of her best friend’s daughter’s are married except her. Dad doesn’t want to be the only one in his golf club without a grandchild. They both sat me down 1 month to the wedding and told me how much it meant to them for me to get married. My mum said she didn’t love my dad when they got married but the love came afterwards. I wanted to make them happy…so I chose their happiness over mine and decided to marry Tony. Now I have a new life…what does the future hold for me? I only see tears when I picture my future with Tony, but I have to pretend to be happy as I commit the rest of my life to him. My wedding was the perfect dream for any girl; from my gown, shoes, bridal/groom train, decoration, food, music, photography…everything was all perfect. Tony made sure I had a fairy tale wedding but can I endure the life I would have after the glamorous wedding?
Only time will tell…