Tony: I thought about it for a second; No, I can’t.
           I put my face down for a while just to erase the thought.
          Yeah, I can control my mind and that’s exactly what I’ll do.

Eki:  Hi, I think I recognise you from somewhere; you were at the Thai restaurant in     
         Covent Garden for Sylvia’s birthday dinner.
Tony: Oh no!!! Not her………………………………..
           I wanted to act like I did not remember her
           It was too late  cos she remembered my name.
          There was no hiding from this, but not again today (a     
          still small voice whispered in my head). 

Eki was a beauty queen, the first sight of her was angelic, she was a goddess. I couldn’t help but lust after her; I knew it was lust cos I loved my fiancé and would never cheat on her. But Eki was irresistible and just wouldn’t stop, the way she danced and laughed was what drew me to her. I was supposed to be at the wedding party with my fiancé but she had to leave cos she had a professional exam the next day. In her words, “baby…ACCA is very important; it will give me a greater advantage to get big accounting jobs”.  I knew it was important so I had to let her go but she asked me to stay back and have fun with my friends. If only she stayed. I finally looked up at Eki and said hi (acting like I was trying to remember who she was); before I could complete the statement she flung herself into my arms and said “wow, Tony it’s you”, I didn’t know I’ll ever see you again. I knew the face was familiar but I needed to be sure it was you; that’s why I came closer.
Now my heart was pounding, I was being hunted by that wedding night and the things we (Eki and I) did. I could blame it all I want on alcohol but the fact still remains that I could have walked away when I had the chance to but I didn’t. Something told me to walk away but I couldn’t; the heart was strong but the flesh was willing and so………..I fell for her charms and now all I want to do is untie myself from her web. (My heart pounded faster). Tony is everything okay? Ye-yeahh, I stuttered. I took another look at her; I wanted to tell her that I was engaged and that she should forget what happened on the wedding night cos I was drunk. I had memorised the way I’ll say it to her; before I could utter a word she caught me off guard and planted a holy kiss on my lips. Immediately…..i was sprung once again and I heard her whisper…..what she doesn’t know will not hurt her. I looked at her again,….I know you have a fiancé but don’t worry this is our little secret. No one has to know. The thought of keeping things from Bukky pierced my soul, I allowed myself get drowned in this mess; if she finds out my life is over. What do I do, i love my fiance but can’t stop??? 
‘Honey, snap back to reality’, Kris said as he shook me from behind and gave me a peck on the cheek. I quivered a lil bit cos I didn’t realise he was there while I was staring into thin air with my thoughts wandering miles away. He came over to stand in front of me, ‘I know you Jenny…there’s something on your mind, I want to hear it and please don’t say it’s nothing’. As usual, my response was ‘I’m fine sweetie, trust me on this one’. You know how I like to just look into the skies and watch the birds chirp and flap their wings (I hoped he wouldn’t press further). Kris smiled and looked right into my eyes, as though he was going to cast a spell on me to make me talk; I could sense he wasn’t giving up on this one till I said what the problem was. We’ve been friends from childhood and spent our teenage years together before we both left the country for our B.Sc & M.Sc. He could read my mind, he was my second conscience. Hhmmm but this one…I couldn’t tell him. 

Kris and I bonded again when he moved from New York to London. He got a job here and decided to take it in order to be closer to his family. Our puppy love as kids gradually blossomed into a perfect relationship, the way I had always imagined it to be. He was everything I asked for, my knight in shining armour. One weekend Kris had to travel back to New York for his brother’s graduation, he was going to spend only 5 days and come back to London. I couldn’t wait for him to return….I even slept in his pajamas all night.
At 7pm, just 2days after he left, Kris called me and told me he had to help a friend who just came into town and was stranded as he lost his wallet in a transit flight so he could not pay for a hotel. Ok love, I love you…..and the call ended. Obi knocked at the door few minutes past 9pm. O.M.G!!! It was as though Denzel Washington just walked into my apartment. You must be Jenny, he said. My mouth was still open as I was in awe of the perfectly and artistically crafted image standing right in front of me. Oops…(my mind jogged back to my senses), yeah I am and you must be Obi. Welcome. I had to take him to the guest room and get him something to eat. I took extra time to make sure everything was perfect for him (why??? My heart was skipping miles). I was giving him the same treatment I will give Kris and this was not a good sign. Fast forward….I made it through that night with my dignity still intact. The second night, Oh God!!! His chest, those arms, the smile…what is wrong with me? I’m lusting after my fiancee’s friend. Obi finished his meal and brought the plates to the kitchen, as he was leaving, we bumped into each other and that was how we started talking. The chat got deeper and deeper; our faces drew closer and closer and….the rest is history. My eyes opened after the deed was done, Obi saw the guilt in my eyes. He held my face up and said “Jenny, I saw the way you looked at me from the first day you opened that door, somehow I felt it too but you’re my friend’s fiancée. Just one thing…He doesn’t have to know”. 
Hhhmmmm……..he/she doesn’t have to know??? No matter how dark the night gets, the sun will still shine in the morning. One day, something will happen that will let the cat out of the bag. Hence my question……..

Is it really worth it? To give up 80% for a pleasurable 20%.
Is it worth it? To give up a need for a want?
Is it worth giving up happiness with the woman/man who loves you for a one-stop-shop that will only last for moments?

Read the Lyrics of this song….makes real sense cos in the end it’s all about the decisions we make. TO ACT ON THAT THOUGHT or NOT TO. 
It all starts from that one thought. What is your opinion?

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There's more to Lynn than meets the eye; visit "ABOUT ME" page for more details. I hope you enjoyed the article.

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