Popularly known as “the power couple”, these two inspire me a great deal when it comes to what a relationship should be like before and after marriage. Fela and Tara Durotoye: Fela is a motivational speaker and business coach while Tara is an Entrepreneur/CEO House of TARA . This is what Fela Said to Tara on their fourth wedding anniversary : “I am committed to working with God to bring out the best you that God has put in you. I am determined on seeing all of God’s dreams for you come to pass. Today, it’s House of Tara, in a short while, the WORLD OF TARA would soon become a reality, the multi-national empire that reveals the real beauty in every woman from the four corners of the world.”
In 2010, I came across Fela Durotoye’s speech on his wedding anniversary and after reading it I fell in love with “the gardener” (you’ll understand when you read further). Sometimes I marvel at the kinda words he speaks cos it takes a man who has understood the real value of a woman to speak in this manner.These were not just mere words but they were words that every lady should ponder on. Many times, ladies shuffle between relationships 3-4 times in a year and I always wonder why the changes and why make these changes in such short intervals? It turned out to be that we run in circles in search of true love and fulfilment. It is one thing to find love but it is another thing to be fulfilled with the one you love, and be able to achieve your dreams in life together with your partner. A relationship that kills your dream and constantly demoralizes you is NOT the best, you need to become a better person by your interaction with your partner. Your relationship should continuously add value to your life and by so doing you live a happy life without running in circles. You’re probably asking how you’ll know the one who will add value to your life…read Fela’s words below:
Sometime, about 3 years ago, Tara and I were invited to a TV interview, and the host asked me what was imperative for women to look for in a man. I remember saying. “Don’t marry a man for his “television”, marry a man who has vision and one day; his vision will put you on television”! So ladies, please understand that there are 3 types of men:
1. The Scavenger: The scavenger is a man who capitalizes on a “dead” and “lifeless” woman. Scavengers look for women with low self – esteem, filled with pity and act like victims of life. These men prefer ladies with no inner strength that are always begging for sympathy or for someone, anyone to love them. Scavengers enjoy “no resistance” as they ravage their victims. If you’re like me, I enjoy watching Discovery Channel and Animal Planet on DSTV. I’ve discovered that in the animal kingdom, scavengers include animals like the hyena and the vulture. If you notice, these scavengers often look for the weak, sick or young, helpless animals that offer the least resistance. Are you attracting scavengers? If you are, you need to shore up your self confidence and self esteem.
2. The Hunter: The hunter seeks to trap a luscious “game”, with the sole intention of devouring her; with only a remnant of a carcass. He looks for a beautiful intelligent woman, whom he considers to be a prize possession. This guy isn’t in the hunt, just to fulfill his desires, no, he’s after what hunters regard as “BIG GAME”. He’s looking for the “Big 5”. These are the 5 most difficult animals to catch on foot. The collection consists of the lion, the African elephant, the African Buffalo, the leopard and the rhinoceros, either the black rhinoceros or the white rhinoceros. The members of the big five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them. He’s inspired by the thrill of the chase. The more she runs, the more enticing she becomes. He only wants her as a prize. When the hunter overcomes his quarry, the first thing he does is to decapitate it. Once beheaded, it is skinned and dried and then placed as a trophy on his wall to brag about. Does this sound familiar? The hunter finally gets the girl, eliminates her self esteem and causes her to be a shadow of herself. He kills her dreams, business ideas and her passion. Do you know any hunters? They’re only in for the kill!
3. The Gardener: Now, this is God’s intention for what a husband should be! This man sees his wife as a seed. He recognizes that a seed is a tree in disguise! His responsibility is to nurture and bring out the best in her. One of the things a gardener does is to create the right environment for the seed to grow. He nurtures her in an environment of love and care. Next, after planting, he waters her. What that means is that he’s concerned about her dreams; he wants to know what makes her tick. He takes her dreams and gives them expression; he puts structure and substance to her ideas. When he talks about her dreams, he uses the plural of “we”. He takes personal responsibility for the accomplishment of her dreams. He also removes weeds around her. Another thing the gardener does is to prune her. Pruning means to “cut back”. So he cuts back her excesses. It reminds me of those wall plants that grow so long, over other fences and eventually becomes a nuisance to everyone. Sometimes, cutting back is a painful process to the plant, but it is necessary for the plant to develop the tenacity for explosive growth. He cuts excessive, improper behavior, value systems and friendships. But this in all is done in love with the aim to make her better. He enlightens and encourages her to be all that she can be, to do all that she can do and to enjoy all that she can have. The wife of a gardener is like the path of the righteous; she shines brighter and brighter. She never has a better last year. She’s always growing and glowing with new ideas, new projects and new levels. Her testimonies are full of promotion, profit and new experiences. Her life is every inch, the dream of other women.
Clearly, what all these 3 kinds of men seek in their dreams is as far apart as the east is from the west. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think God created man to be a hunter or scavenger. My Bible tells me in the Book of Genesis that the man God created and formed was assigned to tend the GARDEN of Eden. This tells me that the first man was clearly designed and wired to be a gardener and it was that man God thought shouldn’t be alone.
As far as I’m concerned, every hunter & scavenger deserves to be a bachelor until they change their values, desires and dreams. I certainly hope that I can speak for all gardeners in this article.
The evidence of a good gardener is his GARDEN. Take a look at my garden – TARA, CEO of House of Tara Make-Up Studio and you can tell if I am a good gardener. And even though I know there’s great room for improving my gardening skills.
I hope this note helps you sort out the gardeners from the rest. I believe in you and I know you’re going to make one lucky man very happy very soon.
So ladies, are you in love with a hunter, scavenger or gardener???